A Light In The Fog by Studio Dreamer Another day of brainless sponsors and tired scripts. By the time Hilary hit the front door of her house, she was sick of looking at everything and needed a stiff drink. The gloomy day hadn't helped either. Just reminded her of Jeff and what they used to do when the weather was dark and gray...but she didn't want to think about that. It only brought back the evil face of Pavla and what she'd taken away from Hilary's future. "Stop it," she forced herself to say aloud. But it came out weaker than she liked. Tossing her hat on the chair in the living room, she walked into the kitchen to see if she had anything to eat. She couldn't remember the last time she bought groceries so she wasn't even sure if she had anything. Rummaging through her cabinets, she almost missed the knock on the front door. "Forget this lost cause," she muttered. "With my luck, that's probably someone at the front door wanting the rest of my liquor." Giving a quick glance out the front window she grimaced. "Scott Sherwood? He's the last person I want to look at right now. What the hell does he want?" "Hildy!" The very cheerfulness of his tone set Hilary's teeth on edge. Partially opening the door she glared at him. "I just got done looking at you all day. The day is over. Why must we continue?" Pushing his way inside, he carried a coat and several scripts she recognized. "Well, for starters, you forgot your coat in the Green Room, and Gertie handed me these scripts on the way out saying you forgot them." "I didn't forget them. I just didn't want to 'accidentally' lose them in the garbage next to the trolley stop." Laughing, Scott tossed the items on her couch and looked around her house. "Nice place you've got here, Hildy. You decorate this yourself?" Sneering, she continued standing by the door. "It's Hilary! And in case you haven't noticed, the door is still open. Why aren't you on the other side of it?" "Shut the door, Hilary. It's cold out there." Slamming the door shut, she stomped past him to go back into the kitchen. "Let him stay there," she groused. Scott had noticed Hilary's mood the last few days getting more and more erratic...almost depressed...although she would vehemently deny that to anyone daring enough to point it out. Every so often she would leave the studio or green room to go off by herself and sit by the window near the fire escape. Once, he'd gone to get her for "Women In The News" and found her sobbing into a handkerchief as quietly as she could. He'd grabbed Maple and made her do the show. So, after not getting much of a reaction out of her today, Scott had decided enough was enough. He'd do what he could to remedy the situation, even though he figured what she needed, he really couldn't give her. Noting some considerable slamming of cabinet doors in the kitchen, Scott cautiously walked in and watched Hilary search for something. "What are you looking for?" Puffing a bit from digging through the lower cabinets, she came up with what she was looking for. "Aha! I knew I'd put this someplace." Scott's eyes got bigger. "That's a pretty large bottle of scotch there, Hilary. You planning on drinking that all by yourself?" "Until you waltzed in here, yes." "Here, let me help you." He opened the closest cabinet to find two glasses and placed them on the counter top for Hilary to fill. "I'm not giving you any of this! I didn't even invite you over here!" "It's rude to turn away uninvited guests, Hil. Plus, there's no way you'd be able to drink all that, and I'm not going to even let you attempt it. So pour some in both glasses, be a good sport, and share already." "Fine," she hissed, and went to find something to go with the scotch. Two hours later, they both were sitting on the floor in the living room with their shoes off and laughing hysterically over nothing. "You really said that to Grace Cavendish? I can't believe you, Hildy!" "Oh, please don't mention her again. I was enjoying this scotch, and was planning to have more, so please don't mention her again." Leaning over to grab her glass off of a side table, she accidentally knocked a photograph onto the floor and broke the glass. "Oh...damn." Noting who was in the picture, she suddenly stopped and gently touched the cracked glass. A picture of she and Jeffrey taken one day at WENN. It wasn't even a posed photo, just one that Mackie had snapped trying to test his new camera. Jeff had been laughing at one of Mr. Foley's jokes and was teasingly reaching out to Hilary to poke fun. She had been laughing right back. Now she looked at the broken glass, and figured it was almost cruel; fate slapping her in the face again. "Oh Jeffrey...." she sighed. Scott looked at Hilary and reached out for the picture. "Mind if I take a look?" He started to take it when she pulled it back and hit him on the arm. "NO! Leave me alone! Get out of here and go home!" Jumping up from the floor she raced off to another room and slammed the door so hard the furniture shook. Scott sat for a minute and wondered if he should just put his shoes back on and leave her alone. Let her calm down. But, then he heard her crying, and he couldn't make himself stop caring now. Hilary had thrown herself on the big bed in her room and clutched the picture in both hands until her knuckles were white. "Why? Why? Why did you do this to me??" She was screaming at the image in front of her. "I loved you! You KNEW that!" Then with a sudden burst of fury, she threw the picture across the room with everything she had. She hadn't even noticed the door was open and Scott was standing inside watching her. Walking over to the photo, he picked it up, looked at it, and suddenly understood everything. "I'm sorry, Hilary." His face reflected his words. "You know that, don't you? I mean, I know I tease you and get on your nerves, but you know I care." "No one cares...no one cares. I've pushed everyone away...it's my fault...Jeff...he never would have married her...if...I..." "Stop it, Hilary. What Jeff did was inexcusable. You didn't create it, you didn't cause it, and you damn certainly didn't deserve it." Curling into a ball, she clutched a pillow for comfort. "But if I had just told him...how I felt...instead of being so stubborn. He would have known. He wouldn't have run to her." "Hilary...I don't know why Jeff did what he did. If he were standing here in front of me, I'd choke the life out of him. But you can't let him win. You can't give up on life because Jeff lost his senses." Pushing the rest of the pillows out of the way, he curled up beside Hilary and put his arms around her. "People care about you, Hilary." She tried to push away but he was holding on too tightly. "Name one." "Me, for one." "Like you count." He suddenly laughed and it made her smile. "There's the Hilary I prefer to see." "I only wish Jeff wanted to see me me this way. But...." Hilary looked away and let her head drop. "I guess someone else is making Jeff happy now." "Hilary...." Turning to look at Scott, his mouth suddenly met hers. "What is he doing??" her mind screamed, but a split second later she was meeting his kiss with equal fervor...as if she could make him as happy as someone else could make Jeff. As she had made Jeff...or so she thought. Reaching up, she let her hands rake through his hair and she felt him pull her closer. He pushed her backwards onto the blankets and started to kiss her more deeply, and she allowed it, she even...wanted it. Scott broke the kiss and looked down at her face, almost afraid of her reaction. "I'm sorry...I...I won't do this if you...don't want me here. I should go." Weakly, she touched his face and ran her thumb across his lips. "Please...stay. I need this. I need to feel alive again. Please don't let me die inside." Pausing to read between the lines, Scott watched her for a minute, torn between what he was feeling and what she really needed right then. "Hilary...I can't replace Jeff...I can't BE Jeff." "I know. And right now, I don't want Jeff. I want you." Leaning up, she kissed him again, and pulled him down to meet her. Feeling him sigh, she wrapped her arms around his neck and teased his mouth with her tongue, then finding his and making the kiss even deeper. She felt his hands move up her waist towards the front of her blouse and she moved slightly so he could have better access to the buttons. He quickly undid them and sat her up, so he could slide the fabric off her shoulders. She started to remove his tie and shirt just as urgently. Scott's mouth moved to her bare neck as he lay Hilary back again and then to her throat, feeling her back arch as she pressed against him. "Yes," she whispered, and then directed his eager fingers to unzipping her skirt. When he had removed her skirt and slip, he pulled away, only to start taking off the rest of his clothing. When he was completely nude, he began to touch her again, letting his fingers brush over her, moving to take off what was left on her. Her bra came off in one swift motion and his hands moved to her breasts, gently caressing them. His thumbs teased her nipples, and she moaned, surprised by how much she missed being touched. Scott began kissing the hollow area at the bottom of her throat and moved lower, taking his time at the soft skin between her breasts and letting himself breathe in the scent of her. Her hands rubbed his back and when he moved his mouth over her body, she let her fingers brush through his hair again, almost pulling when he stopped at her abdomen, feeling him kiss her there. Needing to feel him inside her, she started to take off her panties, but he stopped her, wanting to do it himself. Straddling her with his knees, Scott lifted her hips and slid them down, tossing them over with the rest of their clothing. He looked over her naked body and then lay down beside her. One arm moved underneath her head while his other hand touched her face. He began to kiss her again. "Hilary, do you know how beautiful you are," he murmured against her mouth. "Do you know how you feel to me? How you make me feel?" "No," she said, letting herself get lost in his touch...in his words. "Show me." Needing no further words, the hand that had been touching her face moved lower to her stomach, rubbing over the soft skin while she kissed his mouth. Then lower still, between her legs and feeling her move to meet him. "Please..." Hilary opened her legs wider, giving Scott more access to touch her. He let his fingers explore, finding the spots that made her cry out his name. He wanted to wait...wanted to take his time and touch every inch of her. But his desire was coming faster than he could control it. Unable to stop himself, he moved above her and entered her swiftly. She gasped, then relaxed and began to move with him. "Hilary... " he breathed, and began to thrust, letting her lift her hips and meet him more fully. Moving faster, Scott met Hilary's eyes and locked onto them. She met his gaze until the orgasm took control, washing over her in waves, each one more intense than the last. Crying out, she felt him stiffen over her, then moan as he felt his release. Scott continued to move within her, letting himself feel her as she climaxed. Her body clung to his for a few minutes, as she stopped him, the desire filling her and taking over. She cried out a name, and then let go. He started to relax and kissed her lips softly, as if bringing her down from her emotional peak slowly would give her more pleasure. Hilary sighed, and let herself go limp, enjoying how her body felt. Scott pulled away and lay down beside her, breathing hard, trying to stop his heart from beating so hard. Her eyes were still closed as he watched her. Would she acknowledge what she said? Would she admit that at the last minute, she still cried out for the person her heart loved? She cried out for Jeffrey. He wasn't sure what to feel. He knew when they started, she didn't love him. He was only there to comfort her, to give her love for one night so she could sleep through a thousand more. But she still wanted someone else, and it cut him deeply. When would anyone cry out his name? When would anyone lose sleep over him and dream of making love to him? Maybe no such person existed. Maybe he was only fooling himself. Maybe all he was good for was helping someone else imagine he was another person entirely. Closing his eyes, Scott swallowed hard, not knowing if he should speak or wait until she said something. That was also a new feeling...normally he would have laid there until he was rested, then get up and start to get dressed again. He had no idea why he was so unsure of himself this time. Hilary moved to sit up and pull the sheets over her before she started to get cold. Noting the fact that he wasn't moving, she also covered him with the blanket and rolled over, her back to him and facing the wall. When she woke the next morning, he was still beside her. He opened his eyes and watched her for a moment. "Good morning, Hilary." "Scott...I..." The words were there, they just didn't want to come out. Pulling the blanket around her, she jumped out of the bed and started picking up their clothing. "Hilary, stop. Look at me, " grabbing her arm he forced her to look at him, "talk to me." "I don't need to talk, I need to move. I need to get ready...I'm probably late...the sponsors will be angry...." "When have you ever cared what the sponsors thought?" he retorted. "I need you to talk to me." "I have nothing to say. Last night was wonderful, and I can't thank you enough, but now it's over and I need to move on." Moving out of his reach, she went into the bathroom and shut the door. Hearing the water come on for the shower, he got out of bed, put his clothes back on, and walked out the front door. One week later: Finishing up "A Book At Bedtime", Scott signed off in his usual manner and yawned, tired of droning on and on for the Pittsburgh Public Library. Stepping out of the studio towards the lobby, he found Hilary sitting in one of the chairs by the wall, waiting for him. "Will you walk me to the trolley? I'm afraid I'm out of money for a cab." She opened her purse and showed him the empty contents. "I'll drive you home. Get your things." Opening the door, he motioned for her to walk out first, and he followed. The night was foggy again, as it had been for over a week. Stopping in front of her house, Scott parked the car and sat, waiting for her to get out. The headlights of his old car shined against the house, a beacon pointing the way for her. "I'm sorry," she whispered. Watching his reaction, she stopped him before he could speak. "I know I should have said something sooner, but I just couldn't. I hurt you, I know, but if I had spoken, I would have said the wrong thing. Can you please forgive me?" "Why did you push me away, Hilary? I was trying to help and instead I felt like I was the one getting hurt." Scott's voice was bitter, and while he tried to mask it, his face confirmed it. "We both got hurt. I wanted you to be Jeffrey, and you wanted to comfort me. I will be forever grateful for that, but I know now I can't substitute someone else in Jeffrey's place. I need to learn how to live without him. But at least I know I have someone that cares about me." Placing her hand in his she squeezed. "In all this fog that has been surrounding me lately, you were my light...at least for a little while." "I am your friend, Hilary. No...more than that. Last week confirmed it, I guess." His gaze never left her hand in his. "I'm here if you need me, for whatever reason. But if you decide Jeff isn't worth your time anymore, it might not be a mortal sin if we have a go at it." His face turned up in a roguish grin. "And lose what we have bickering at each other at the station every day? I hardly think so," she teased. Then her face turned serious. "But what about you? What about Betty? Have you given up on her?" "No," he sighed. "Not entirely. My feet probably wouldn't touch the ground if she lowered her standards to love me. And while I'd still sell my soul for it to happen, she's not making it easy, and I'm not going to force it. I'll just wait and bide my time. If it happens, it happens." "She's a fool not to see this in you, you know." Hilary touched his face. "I know, it's just nice to hear someone else say it." Chuckling, he kissed her hand and watched as she got out of the car and walked back into the house. Then he pulled away and drove home.